The knockers

Recently I had a tough weekend at the office.  I say the office because I don’t have a job at the moment and some social occasions are feeling a little like work.

On a normal day I like to think that the world sees me as a strong, positive and outgoing person, but recently my spirit was given a little battering.

Over the course of a day and night I felt attacked, berated and interrogated by a series of people who I had called my friends. I was put in the hot seat and pumped for information continually. Tell me about your life, what are you doing? Where are you going? Why don’t you have a job?  Are you looking for a job? How do you feel about not having a job? Are you ok? Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?

I was criticised for my ideas not being creative enough or for not putting myself far enough out of what they thought was my comfort zone.

I had a number of demands from people wanting to read my personal writing catalogue, so they can provide me with feedback and then was berated for my writing being for myself and not wanting to share. Apparently everyone needs feedback……

Nothing was off limits. It was open slather on my life.  For most people who have been searching for something like a job for a while, you would relate to having some bad days. The self doubt, the frustration, the knock backs. It takes effort to not dwell on the past and move on.  Every week I feel proud of myself for not dwelling on the things that I cannot change, I am constantly thinking of new ideas or tactics and keep going. I am on a journey of discovery and I’m not looking for a quick fix, so I know it will take me a little while to get to where I want to be.

Although these were not the first people who had queried my life and my job choices, it was the severity of the attacks that left me feeling a little taken back.

Although I have since picked myself up and moved from the conversations of the weekend, things are still lingering in my mind.  I’m angry that I allowed the criticism and judgements of others to effect me so much and wonder why the opinions of people I know affect me more than others.

I have decided to distance myself from the people who are critical and judgemental of my life.  I think that your friends are a reflection of yourself and their attacks and negativity are not a representation of who I am and I would never do that to anyone.

In light of my weekend and my decisions to move on, I have decided to do something positive. I’m going to do something nice and brighten someone else’s day.  🙂

Advertisements